I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
