I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
