Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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