She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
