Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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