the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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