"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I didn't notice because vodka
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
