guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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