I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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