i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
