His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I forget how to act sober
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
