Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
