like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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