So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
