You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
