Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
