There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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