sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
