I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
