cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I need to align my fucking chakras
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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