apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So much rum. So many feels.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
