Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
