Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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