Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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