He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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