two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
