Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
