my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I want to fling myself into the sun
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
