Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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