i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
