Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
