my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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