Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
