Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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