She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is her dick bigger than yours?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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