He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
