I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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