just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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