And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
3pm strippers are depressing
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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