How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
