I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
