the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
