Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
