Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
