i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
