you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
