You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
