I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
