so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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