omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
