dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
