Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
