At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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